I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
