Buhtt sex?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just want nice things and good sex
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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