if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
