i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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