On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize