You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
