How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.