real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS