I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo