He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
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We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.