Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
where are you?
Hypothermia
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
