Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
