Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
