summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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