We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
