I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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