I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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