lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
