She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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