he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
