My first STD was from a foam party
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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