Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
