I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
