Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
