i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
