Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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