drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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