I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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