drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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