I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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