So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
