So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
