I think my fart just growled at me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
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kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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