Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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