Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
