it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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