walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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