My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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