During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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