Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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