Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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