Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
