Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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