First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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