I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
