i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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