There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
