The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
