What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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