I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
