isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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