you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
