If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Four minutes until I can fart!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize