The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
