Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
