so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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