the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
