he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
