Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it because I queefed?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
