just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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