If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
