Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
