youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
