All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
