i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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