get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
