I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
