then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I will be naked everywhere
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
