Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
