you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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