Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
