I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
