you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
