How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
