After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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