Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
