y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
