my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The Olympian is in my bed
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
