i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
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The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories