Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
