This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
