Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
