i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's rum buckets o'clock
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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