I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
