you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
