How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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