dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
